Flow, 2019
Fifty-three hours of reclaimed time are represented in this installation of handwoven and hand-dyed textiles. To heal and make sense of unmet expectation, I began reflecting on where those expectations came from. Many times, I felt as though I did not measure up. As I leaned into this, I read through old prayer journals that I had kept on my bookshelf from years past, and I saw a glaring theme: I am the one who is so hard on myself. Granted, there are outside factors that contribute, but overwhelmingly, I was my own worst enemy. Using those journals as a data source, I counted 730 separate times when I wrote that I did not feel like enough - in my friend group, at school, in my job, in my family, as a woman, in the church, and in life. So, I decided to make some changes.
Maybe you can relate. We can all be hard on ourselves at times. My studio practice became my way of processing that realization. If I had spent that much time striving for some perceived perfection, then I wanted to spend even more time turning those thoughts around in gratitude and thankfulness for where I am now, and the woman I am continually becoming. Weaving naturally became the outlet for reclaiming this time.
Weaving is a meditative process and gives opportunity to examine your thoughts, or to let your mind wonder as you pass the shuttle through, side to side, back and forth, over and over again, as lines on a journal. It allowed for keeping focused on a repetitive action while simultaneously allowing for mindless play. I wove a red line for every hour that passed, in celebration of the journey to giving myself more grace. The weavings are paintings in space, flowing naturally when a viewer walks through.